Table for one, please
by Ican'thinkofanything
Summary: You can imagine how awkward and annoying it is when the supposed love of your life is on a date and you're supposed to bring their food to them, and not spit in their drinks and spill wine all over their date. Needless to say it's rather challenging to say the least, especially since you know that you're the one who should be sitting in their spot. Now that one's the real kicker.


**Summery:** **You can imagine how awkward and annoying it is when the supposed love of your life is on a date and you're supposed to bring their food to them, and not spit in their drinks and spill wine all over their date. Needless to say it's rather challenging to say the least, especially since you know that you're the one who should be sitting in their spot. That ones that kicker.**

I'm not sure how to introduce myself sorry, I feel like I should have note cards or a speech. My introductions no good either, I seriously need to work on that, anyways thank you so much for bothering to read my story. Truly I mean it, I write here and there but never bothered to share it until now. Ugh, that sounded so cringey I gagged, anyhow thank you once more, truly I mean it.

* * *

"Ayo Artie, can I get another round of drinks here? Thanks, dude!"

Arthur could feel the familiar bubble of agitation in the pit of his stomach just hearing the idiot's booming voice. Just the mere thought of his award-winning crooked smile and those baby blue eyes that always seemed to be sparking for no damn good reason made his stomach turn. The bastard was always yelling, every god damn thing he said he yelled, frankly Arthur would pay to hear the asshole whisper.

"Of course sir be right with you," Arthur mumbled a string of insults under his breath as soon as he was out of earshot. He went to the bar and grabbed the wine bottle Alfred and his date were having, wow, the asshole actually had a date. That thought would never stop beaming hilarious, Alfred with a date. Yeah never getting old for a while, he returned to their table wearing his infamous stoic expression. "Here you both are if I can have your glass-ah thank you."

He tried not to look at Alfred's stunning date in the eye as he poured her wine, Christ how he wanted to smack the glass bottle over her perfect flowing hair that seemed to glow. He despised all the girls Alfred brought to the restaurant, and he brought many a dates over know that he thought about it. They all came across as conceited and probably couldn't count to ten without using their fingers, that or they were the ones sitting across from Alfred and not Arthur.

No, it was probably the numbers bit.

"Come on dude, why do ya' gotta be so formal with me? It's like you don't even freaking know me! I'm hurt." Alfred placed a hand to his heart dramatically, clearly fighting down a smirk.

"Trust me you'll live, you're composed entirely of just sweets and burgers. I bet you probably even bleed butter."

"Nah, Coke dude, I need something to wash the burger down with obviously."

"Well when you put it that way it makes so much sense, I feel stupid for not thinking ahead. But wait with all the burger wouldn't it be fattening to have the regular cola with you?" Arthur placed his hands on his hips, casually leaning against the head of Alfred's' chair. This was their bits that they would go back and forth on, they were infamous around town, it wasn't rare to see the two arguing over the proper way to pronounce 'egg'.

"Diet coke bro," Alfred said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Don't wanna get fat or anything."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Ah, how obvious now I really feel like an idiot."

Alfred chuckled or attempted, whenever he tried to laugh quietly he would laugh so loud it echoed "Aww, no need ta' be so formal Artie," His date giggled like a school girl when she saw his Arthur's face slowly turn beat red. "Oh yeah Artie, I'd like ya ta' meet my date, this is Kailey."

Alfred puffed out his chest proudly and looked up at Arthur the entire time as if waiting for approval. Arthur was taken aback that the introduction, he had failed to even notice the other woman's presence entirely, he even forgot this was a date. Reaching over to shake her hand, Arthur was careful to avoid spilling wine over her, her hands were repulsive sweaty.

Arthur forced a polite smile. "Nice to meet you."

"Yeah, same." She murmured, barely above a whisper.

Damn, her hands were smooth.

Arthur coughed awkwardly, fidgeting from foot to foot as he slowly retracted his hand. "Well I'm sure you two want to get back to your date, so I'll get out of your way and let you two enjoy the rest of your night Please don't hesitate to ask for anything." Arthur nodded his head down at the two, and as soon as he was a good distance away he muttered as many insults as he could think of.

He stuffed his notepad and pencil in the pocket of his waiter's apron, accidentally dropping some straws in the process but immensely stepping over them. He looked around at all the tables that he would much rather be serving with longing envyness. The entire room wafted with the smell of different foods intermingling together, the grand chandeliers hanging up from the high ceiling cast a dark and romantic light across the room. Not even three hours ago was the place filled with the war cries of children and mindless chatter of middle aged women who had ordered nothing but champagne. Roderich had finally shown up thirty minutes late but was easily forgiven as soon as his hands hit the keys and the room was filled with nothing but his melodic songs.

Quite the dramatic change in scenery.

Arthur practically ran over to the bar and tripped over his own feet in the process. Holding onto the bar for support, he snuck in a quick drink of vodka and immediately felt himself using the bar to remain to stand. He couldn't help his curiosity and despite what every part of his body told him, he looked back at the two who seemed to be having a smashing good time.

Well, the girl was laughing her ass off anyways, Alfred never did stop looking around like he was a wanted man. Odd.

As Arthur continued to watch the two as he snuck in another shot, he couldn't help but feel that he should be the one laughing instead. He should be the one sitting across from the idiot, throwing wine at his face for making a pun or crude joke that isn't funny but got Arthur to laugh anyways.

"Christ, I'm pathetic," Arthur spoke to himself, rubbing his sweaty palms on his apron with shaking arms. "The bastards' on a date for crying out loud, it's not like I can barge in and sneak myself in!" Arthur rubbed his temples as he continued to watch the sight unfold before him, taking another sip each time Alfred laughed and those amazing dimples appeared on his cheeks.

By the end o the night Francis had to carry him all the way home by the end of the night, the whole journey Arthur hadn't stopped singing "America the Beautiful" in an off-key melody.

~.~

"Hello I'm Arthur, I'll be serving you today w-."

"Aww come on, what's with the superficial and all that crap?"

Arthur pried his eyes away from his notepad to glance down at Alfred's' grinning face and sparkling eyes. Arthur almost gagged at his own thoughts, how sentimental and utterly ridiculous. "I'm at work Alfred, I don't have time to entertain you. Besides I'm you you'd like to get back to your," Arthur peered through his lashes at the girl sitting across from Alfred, God why did Alfred have to have such gorgeous dates? "Date. So come off it, what would the two of you like?"

"I'll take my usual, shaken not stirred please Money penny," Alfred grinned ear to ear up at Arthur who had to resist the urge to smack him upside the head with his notepad. "Por favour?"

Alfred clutched the notepad fiercely, his knuckles beginning to turn white. "For the thousandth time Alfred, call me Money penny one more time and I will hurt you. I swear to God I will need I remind you when I threw you out because you hadn't stopped singing "God Save the Queen"?"

"To be fair you were drunk off your ass when you kicked me out, and dude you actually kicked me out. I still have the fuckin' bruise dude, no joke, wanna see it?"

He even began to raise his dress shirt to reveal a bruise an ugly shade or purple, it seemed to be healing but was still rather noticeable. Arthur couldn't help the stab of guilt he felt the short while he looked at the swelling bruise. But he regained his composer and pulled down the man's shirt forcefully.

"Christ, how on earth did you manage to someone agree to go on a date with you?"

"Hell if I know, maybe it's the fifty bucks I bribe all my dates with. Right Cheyenne?" Alfred finally acknowledged the girl sitting across from him, who had her pierced lips pursed in a frown. She couldn't keep it that way for long with Alfred smiling at her like that, with his award winning golden boy smile, she eventually broke into a stupid grin.

She snorted very unattractively. "I feel fuckin' scammed Al, I only got like twenty and a kit kat. What, I ain't special or somethin'?" Arthur mentally cringed each time she opened her mouth, apparently proper English wasn't in style anymore.

Besides what kind of name is Cheyenne? A fucking stupid one that's what, seriously Arthur had never met anyone with such a hideous sounding name. Besides Francis, that is nothing and no one will ever beat the damn frog.

Arthur coughed loudly into a balled up fist, the two seemed to have forgotten that he was there. Rude. "Well, I'll just give you two a few more minutes to decide." And with that Arthur turned on his heel and strode out far away from the table. He let out an exasperated sigh as soon as he was out of earshot, he wiped his sweaty palms on his waiter's apron anxiously.

Arthur could feel the beginning of a migraine showing it's ugly mug, it seemed to grow stronger the longer he looked at those two. Good, God, did they make an attractive couple. Merely seeing them chat made his blood boil.

"Oh screw this," Arthur muttered under his breath as he hopped over into the bar, crouched down and took a quick sip of Ivan's custom made vodka. Already he could feel the drink taking its effects, a warm feeling spreading throughout his body like a blanket. "Damn I needed that." Arthur murmured, sitting cross-legged and taking a few more sips from the expensive looking bottle.

By the end of the night, Arthur could not feel any part of his body, and the bottle was surprisingly light.

What the hell kind of name is Cheyenne anyway?

A damn stupid, lucky name that's what.

~.~

Arthur could not for the life of him figure out the crossword, his homemade charcoaled biscuits sat cooling beside him untouched, his enormous eyebrows scrunched up in frustration. He clicked his tongue in annoyance and swung his legs back and forth atop the table he sat on.

Damn he was so losing his touch.

The doors slammed open but Arthur didn't even bother glancing up from his crossword, that he still could not figure out for the life of him. This was getting embarrassing.

"Evening, frog."

Arthur heard a snobbish scoff and smirked quietly to himself. "You know I 'ate it vhen' you do zat', it's terrifying."

"I could smell you a mile away don't flatter yourself Pepe le pew." Arthur snarkily replied.

"Watch it eyebrows, I'm the boss who you're talking to."

"Your point being?"

The silence sent a smug smirk on the Englishman's' face in victory, nothing felt more amazing than winning an argument against the frog. It gave him such a sense of confidence and the sweet taste of victory only tasted sweeter knowing it was the frog whom he had bested.

Francis scoffed and turned his nose upwards, trying to play cool and suave. He plopped himself on the table next to Arthur, picked up the biscuit in absolute disgust and held it a good distance away from himself and spoke as if it carried the black plague.

"What on earth ees, this thing? It's revolting just to even look at." Arthur tried to snatch the pastry out from his hand, but Francis was far quicker than he was. "How many lives were lost making zis' may I ask?"

"Oh go shove a baguette up your arse why don't you!" Arthur growled, flailing his arms in all sort of directions to reach his burned pastry.

Francis threw the burned biscuit in the trash with a triumphant smile, it landed inside with a pathetic 'Thud', Arthur was fuming as he immediately hopped off the table as if it were hot as lava.

"Great, now I have nothing to eat, thank you so much you god damn frog. I've been having such a fan fucking TASTIC day as it was, so, of course, you couldn't just leave me the hell alone could you? No, of course not. That's FAR too much to ask from a douche such as yourself right? Do you want to know what I had to eat all day? A BIG OL' BAG OF NOTHING! YEP THAT'S RIGHT, NOTHING YOU PIECE OF-!"

"Your slice of 'apple pie is waiting for you outside you know." The Frenchman commented rather bored as his inspected his nails. "He's been looking for like a lost puppy, it's getting pathetic go 'ave the poor soul from his misery."

Arthur bolted out of the small storage room as soon as those words left Francis' mouth, a stupid smile was growing by the second. He pushed his way past the kitchen receiving insults being thrown left and right at him, he merely graced them with the lovely middle finger. But all his previous eagerness completely disappeared as soon as he burst through the doors into the restaurant.

And of course, Alfred was sitting there at his usual table, with his hair brushed for once and his red wire frame glasses sitting atop his nose. He couldn't stop fidgeting in his seat and looking around as if he were wanted, his leg was bouncing frantically under the table and he seemed to be running cold sweat.

But there was a woman sitting directly in front of him, a gorgeous one at that. She had the most beautiful skin that Arthur had ever seen, albeit a rather creepy thought she was stunning. Arthur himself couldn't help his staring, she was going on and on but Alfred was clearly not paying a single ounce of attention to her.

He was on a date.

Of course, Alfred was the most stunning person around. He was the living breathing embodiment of sunshine and happiness. Everywhere he went people were just attracted to him, why wouldn't he have a date?

When had he ever shown up to the restaurant without a date?

Arthur turned back around and shoved everyone out of his way, steam was coming out of his ears as the trampled everyone in his way. He pushed open the storage room doors and nearly punched Francis right in the face. The bastard was still sitting on top the rickety table swaying his legs back and forth, peering at Arthur through his lashes with that horrible accent with a smug smile.

"Did you give him my regards?"

Arthur strode over to the man with his fists balled up and ready to make contact with his ugly mug. "What the hell is wrong with you? Make a damn fool of me all you want frog, but Alfred's' off bounds you fucking bastard."

Francis placed his hands up in surrender, hoping off the table putting a good distance between them.

"Ah but your apple pie was looking for you, he wasn't even paying attention to the gorgeous creature right in front of him!" Francis had placed his arms on Arthur's shoulders, a maniac smile had begun to grow. "Can you not see it Mon Cheri? He is using these gorgeous women, ask him where he met them by the way, to be able to talk to you!"

Arthur as taken aback and tried to squirm out of Francis' iron hold. "You're mental! Why the hell would he just come here to talk to me? He's always on dates, you're absolutely mental."

"Honestly when has he ever looked the slightest bit interested in any of his dates? The poor fool didn't want to seem even more pathetic than he is and just brought someone along to talk to you!" Francis started roaring with laughter, it echoed throughout the room, bouncing wall to wall. "Oh how utterly romantic! He has been coming here for weeks just to see you! Oh, Arthur marry him already!" The Frenchman gushed to himself.

Arthur pushed himself away, in hopes to put as much distance as he could between them. "Listen to me you brain-dead bastard, I am not taking any sort of chances with Alfred, it's too much of a risk!"

"Oh, Arthur this is the problem with you," By this time Francis had stopped fantasizing their wedding and had placed a comforting arm on Arthur's bony shoulder. "You've always been so scared of rejection, it's practically eating at you as we speak. Some things are just worth that risk Arthur, and trust me, eef someone would ignore such a beautiful creature just to be able to be around you ees worth ze' risk." He spoke with a voice as soft as silk, and such a soft caring gleam in his eyes.

Not once did he look away from Arthur's darting olive orbs, he pulled the smaller man into a tight hug that seemed to last forever. Arthur let his arms lay limp and stiff beside his body as Francis chuckled into his bony shoulder.

"Why can't you be this pleasant all the time?" Arthur grumbled.

"What ees ze' fun in zat?"

"Alright lemme go already, I'm going to smell like cheese and cheap cologne for the rest of the night." Arthur gently pushed the taller man away, a heavy blush spreading throughout his freckled face. "You're in an emotional and touchy-feely mood, and I rather be as far away from you as I possibly can be."

"You need to cut your 'air, it's getting dreadfully long and you look like Tarzan when you do not cut your 'air. And trust me you do not want that gorgeous creature seeing you like that, and please tell me that those incipient holes in your ears are able to be filled. How wasted were you

'zat night that you just 'ad to get 'em priced? You looked absolutely ridiculous, you'll look even more like a hooligan with your ears and 'zhat 'orrible long hair."

Ah, there was the Francis Arthur knew and loved.

"Oh and the crossword answer is immortalized, idiot."

~.~

"He has been sitting there, alone all night."

"I know that."

"If my memory serves correctly he always shows up here for dates no?"

"Yes." (italics)

"The poor soul's drinking all by himself as well, did you know he came here alone?"

"Golly Francis is there something you're trying to tell me?" Arthur's words dripped with sarcasm, his enormous eyebrows were scrunched together in aggravation at Francis' antics.

Said man was leaning on Arthur a smug expression on his face as he watched Arthur's emotions dance around his face.

This was better than any damn soap open.

Francis faked an over dramatic gasp. "Why yes! What seemed to give off that impression?"

Arthur rolled his olive orbs in distaste, they were about to close up and Alfred had yet to move. It was quite the depressing sight to behold, the man who was once the very definition of bubbly was far too quiet and still.

"I'm going to go over there," It sounded that Arthur was trying to convince to himself rather than Francis."I'm just waiting for the right time to go, timing is critical in this situation." He smirked to himself for coming up with such a clever excuse.

Francis scoffed. "How long are you planning to wait? Thirty years?"

"Fuck off, let's see you go over there."

"Trust me 'eef someone where to drink by themselves at a restaurant at night, I would be all over them as soon as I saw them." Arthur almost gagged at how serious Francis sounded.

Not able to take another moment, Arthur finally began to move towards Alfred. "Fine, look I'm going, happy?" Clenching his fists and taking one last deep breath of air, he took long strides over towards Alfred.

"You owe me all the details, I want to know everything!" Francis bellowed, barely dodging Arthur's apron aimed at his head. The Frenchman couldn't contain his laughter and held his stomach as he watched Arthur.

It was only at that point did Arthur realise how loud his footsteps echoed through the restaurant, the sound bounced around from wall to wall reaching everyone's ears. Clearly, he was getting far too anxious over nothing he was just going over and saying hello and kicking him out. There was clearly nothing to be so anxious over, it wasn't like this was a date.

Almost instantly Alfred's head whiplashed upwards and his award winning smile was back in its rightful place, and all was right in the world.

"Artie! I was getting worried that you didn't work today or somethin', cause I ask Francis if you were he and he just laughed and kissed my cheek. And he told me ta' wait a while for you, and that drinks were on him. And like no joke, he fuckin' kept sending a shit ton of a food dude." Alfred rambled with his mouth full of food, barely understandable but he just kept talking. A piece of food landed smack dab on Arthur's face, it took all of his willpower not to walk away then and there. "And I didn't wanta' leave cause I really wanted to see you, and whatever the hell this is, is really fucking amazing Artie." He never did stop shoving food into his mouth while he spoke, there was food smudged in the corners of his mouth as he smiled up at Arthur.

How could anyone resist that smile and those eyes?

Reaching into his pocket and pulling out a napkin, Arthur began to wipe the corners of his mouth with his mouth turned upwards in disgust. "You're an abomination to the human race, did you parents seriously not teach you about closing your mouth while you chew?"

"Sorry mum, but manners went punk a long marrow ago." Alfred mocked in a broken British accent. "Pip pip cheerio and a cuppa tea to ya' good sir! All HAIL THE QUEEN PRIME MINISTER!"

Arthur snorted out loud, immediately turning a brilliant red that could rival a tomato. He bit hard on his tongue to prevent the flood of giggles that were about to flood out of his mouth. How utterly embarrassing, then again Arthur was thinking about looking like a fool next to the man who literally talked with his mouth full and spat out food.

"HA! I gotcha' ta' laugh Artie," Alfred puffed out his chest in pride, he then pulled out the chair right next to him where his foot was propped and nodded down towards it. "Come on Artie, sit with me! I mean I have been sitting here all alone like a loser waiting for you, so you kinda owe me, dude."

Arthur scoffed, plopping himself down on the chair. "I owe you nothing, you're the ass who waited alone looking like a moron, besides isn't this your supposed date night?"

"Yep," Alfred answered coolly, nonchalantly taking a sip of his drink.

Arthur could feel (italics) the heavy blush spread behind his neck and reaching his ears. He fumbled with his fingers under the table and almost choked on his own saliva. He hated just how smooth and calm Alfred could be while Arthur was a blushing blubbering mess.

"A-ah," Arthur coughed into his fist, avoiding all eye contact with Alfred as he could. "A-anyways, Francis tells me that you bring your dates here just to be able to talk to me?"

Arthur choked back a giggle as Alfred lost his composure and turned a bright pink. Priceless.

"Uh, y-yeah?"

"Oh yes, rumour has it that you only bring dates here just to be able to see me, and get this, you actually don't have the guts to just ask me on an actual date."

Alfred stuffed his face full of food and slurped his drink like it was nothing, Arthur didn't even bother to conceal his boisterous laughter.

"Thafth noth thrue! I justh didnth wanth ta thare you duh!"

"God you're the most repulsive person I have ever met, for Christ's sakes close your damn mouth." Arthur couldn't stop smiling, no matter how hard he tried, he was so damn happy. Alfred swallowed harshly, smiling ear to ear along with Arthur, laughing at his own idiocy. His curl that refused to say down bounced around on top his mop of hair that he had forgotten to brush once again.

Neither of them seemed to notice that the entire staff had stopped working and were watching the entire scene play out beautifully in front of them. Francis had bribed Roderich to continue playing a soft melodic on his piano with a disgusted expression that soon melted into tranquility as he watched Arthur laugh when Alfred had sneezed so hard he split his drink. Nor did they notice the plates that were placed in front of them as they ate with much gusto, all they constructed was one another as the ate and conversed about nothing and everything.

The best part of the night by far was when Kiku had recorded the entire date and had gathered so much blackmail pictures to hold over Arthurs' head for the rest of his life. Francis was never going to let this night and the others before it go, the nemesis of Arthur wanted to go and interrupted their date by saying that it was "1 in the morning and we 'vant to go 'ome already!" Oh but the romantic in him could not bear to see the heartbroken gleam in their eyes as they broke apart, so he swallowed his pride and continued to watch the beautiful seen unfold in front of him.

He signaled Kiku to send another round of drinks there way, what's the worse that could happen? Arthur singing"Yankee Doodle"? Been there done that.

* * *

Yikes, how awful was that? I'm sorry if it's unprofessional to insult my own work but trust me I am far from professional, sorry but don't expect this story to pick up or for me to have a decent upload schedule. Trust me guys I'll try my hardest, I swear I wear! ALso I tried to keep the characters as much in characters as I possibly could, so any grammar issues are probably intentional.

Thank you so much, and goodnight.


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